Yesterday's procedures

So yesterday, I had a colonoscopy and an upper endoscopy done to see if my low iron was cause by some type of bleeding in my digestive system. Good news is things looked great. Bad news still no answer to what is causing the low iron.

The two procedures went very smoothly. Everyone kept telling me how bad the prep was for the colonoscopy. It was nothing. I was in and out of the OR in 45 minutes. When I came to I had Brian laughing. When I start to come to after the anesthesia, I say what ever come to my mind. My filter is shut off. Plus they fill you with air during the colonoscopy so you have to pass it afterwards and there is no way to do it quietly. We just laughed and laughed.

I also realized how much I love my port. When the nurse started my IV, she numbed my vein so I didn't feel the mess she mad of my hand until they pulled the IV. I have a bruise almost that covers my entire hand. WTF!

I was really tired when I got home so I didn't get on the treadmill. So, I must get on it today. I can feel the difference that the exercise is making to my lungs. Plus I feel stronger. I need to keep at it! Last week, I got on it 5 times. My that is my goal this week.

Lung wise, I feel like I am finally at my base line. Let's hope I stay this way for a little while.

I can't seem to put together a nicely written post. I have tried 5 times this week to create a post that reflects my thoughts. So I am just going to jot them down and a random fashion.

Treadmill! I am back! Today will make day 4!

Yesterday, I had a lovely 2 hour dentist appointment to get a crown. I have put this off for years and figured I have pushed my luck long enough.

Went to the Gastroenterologist last week and get to have colonoscopy and upper endoscopy on Monday. Doesn't that sound like a fun day?

The weather in Maine has been beautiful this week. I am so looking forward to spring.

The IVs must have worked because I actually feel normal, if there is such thing.

Saturday night, i went to a CF fundraiser in portland. It was a lot of fun. I went with Brian and my parents. The event raised about $1500 for the CF foundation. I even got out on the dance floor with my oxygen on.

This weekend it a benefit for my double lung transplant. Maximun Velocity will be doing a stunt show again at the high school that I graduated from. I hope the word has gotten out about the event because the BMX, inline skating and skateboarding trick are crazy. Last year, everyone was super impressed.

Well, that is it for now. I do want to respond to this blog post http://amatteroflifeandbreath.blogspot.com/2010/03/positive-charge-blogger-challenge.html but my brain is not functioning today!

nothing new

As the days go by, the more I cannot wait for my transplant. I have been trying to live my life the best I can but it seems like when ever I do what I want I feel wiped out and sick the next day. I am just tired of not being able to live the life that I want to live.

I had a busy weekend this past weekend and I am now paying for it. It is so hard to do the things I want to do knowing it is going to wear me down.

I just finished 3 weeks of IV antibiotics and would expect to feel great. But I have been down and out for the past 2 days: Headaches, stomach problems, tired and fevers. I just want to feel like my old self for more than a day.

I am so tired of this. Let's hope I wake up tomorrow feeling like a new person.

Just a post

Today was a beautiful spring day in the middle of winter. The sun was shining and the temperature was unbelievable. My nurse and I thought it would be a good day to get out of the house. So Ann (my nurse) and I told my husband he was taking me to lunch.

There is a quaint little restaurant in Cornish, ME that we like to go to. We both had soup and a sandwich. It was so yummy. After lunch we went for a ride and then went home.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Brian slept on the couch as I watched movie on the Lifetime Movie Channel. He just left to go to see Johnny A. in Portland with his friend Mike. I guess this guy is quite a guitarist. So I plan on spending my night on the couch, hooked up to my IV medications and watching chick flicks. I know you are all jealous of me right now. LOL.

Tomorrow, my husband is taking his niece and nephews ice fishing. It will be right about the time my IVs are due so I will be stuck inside again. If it is as nice out as it was today maybe I can get Brian to go for a short walk outside with me.

I am trying to embrace each day that I wake up. Though my life is not very exciting, it is my life and I love it.

Questions

As I sit here hooked up to my IV, I read the blogs of others and wonder why do things happen the way they do?

Why do some get a chance to continue living and some don't?

Why do some just get a taste of living again and others get to indulge in living again?

What is the meaning of all of it?

Does one person contribute more to the earth than another?

Is one person loved more?

Is it just a matter of science?

Do we control our own fate or is there a determined path already chosen for us?

What do you guys think?

Why???

As I wait for my transplant, I keep asking why did this happen now. Why couldn't my little lungs hold out longer for a new drug that might make a difference. With CF, we all hope for a cure. I did my best to stay health so I could hopefully take advantage of a cure but unfortunately a cure will not help the scaring in my lungs.

Why can't science be speed up. In the past ten years, I have heard so many promising things but none have come to fruition. Like using stem cell to grow new lung tissue to repair scarring. Or gene therapy that could have actually fixed the messed up gene in some one with CF. Now there is a drug in clinical studies that will help reduce sweat chloride levels — a key indicator of CF. This would mean the mucus in people with CF would not be so thick.

Why do I need a transplant when the future could mean something different to many with CF. Is this a pity party? No! Just keep wondering why me? Why now?

Any way that is my though of the day.

The 2nd Annual Dinner/ Dance was a success!

(Brian and I)

As the title, suggest the 2nd annual New Breath 4 Steph Dinner/Dance was a huge success. First, I need to thank Andrea York for pulling the event together. She is amazing. I knew there was a reason that when we were 4, I told her that she was going to be my best friend. She rocks. Without her, this event would have never taken place.


Me and Andrea

In addition to Andrea, there is a very large list of people to thank:

• Shawn York, Kelly Sastamoine, Tracy Glover and Wendy Martin (my aunt) for going out to get items donated for the Pick-a-Prize Auction.
• Stereo-Type for donating their time and talent and rocking the house during the dance. Everyone thought you guys were awesome.
• My mom, Candi Tutlis and my sister, Tonya Carlton for donating so many wonderful baskets and doing some baking for the desert table.

(Me and my Mom)

• The Sauce cooks: Kim Chaisson and Cindy Beedy.
• The kitchen crew: Diane Mitchel, Brian Mitchell, Dave Glover, Shawn York and Carol Voilette.
• The decorating crew:Tracy Glover, Diana Mulkern, Kim St. Germain and Nicole Glover.
• Michelle Curtis, Tonya Carlton, Melissa Tutlis (my sister), Dan Newell, Steve Tutlis (my dad), Connie Tutlis (my Nana), Candi Tutlis(my mom), Diana Mulkern, Kim St. Germain, Nicole Glover, Donnie St. Germain, and Tracy Glover for helping in any way you could during and after the event.

I hope I didn't miss anyone that helped out at the event.

I know a lot of people dropped off baked goods so thank you to all of you.

A big thanks goes out to all the business that donated items for the pick-a-prize auction. Because of your generosity we had over 90 items.

Thank you to the Eagles for donating the hall for the event.

We had a few large donations. So I want to say a special thanks to the Eagle Riders, Precision Manufacturing Solutions, Inc. (and Mike Gallant), Irish Logging and Lazaro's in memory of Mark Ross.

Last but not least, I need to thank everyone that came out to the event. Thank you for opening your wallets to help me out. Your generosity does not go unnoticed.

With everyone's help New Breath 4 Steph raised just about $6000 to help with my transplant related costs.

The night was so much fun. It was great to see friends that I hadn't see in years. Your support and friendship means a lot to me. Of course, I didn't get to see and talk to everyone that came out but there is always next year.

Love you all!